I was diagnosed with depression in early November and have fought an uphill battle ever since. I started medicating but experienced terrible side effects that gave me hallucinations and ‘brain ghosts’. Life didn’t really seem worth living. After a change in medication my mind has recently started to brighten and I am ever so thankful about that. This depression is one of the worst things I have ever been through. The exhaustion, the constant crying. No matter how many hours I sleep every night it never seems I get enough. I have to take naps in the day to make it through but when I wake up I don’t feel energized at all. I’ve noticed my memory isn’t quite working, I’ll be on the phone with my someone and as soon as I hang up I’ll have forgotten what the other person said. I have lost my words. I often struggle to find everyday words. It seems they have vanished from my mind. I’ll tell my husband we need to buy soap, but won’t remember the actual word ’soap. “Alex, we need to buy… eeh. Thing! For.. hands. Washing…. Bathroom! You know? The thing.” And it’s frustrating.
Winter is still holding us firmly in its grip. My mind is ready for spring, I need the snow drops and the daffodils. Tulips. Flowers budding everywhere. I want walks in the sunshine, wearing short sleeved tops and being just a little cold. Walking in the woods with my husband and camera.
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