I was diagnosed with depression in early November and have fought an uphill battle ever since. I started medicating but experienced terrible side effects that gave me hallucinations and ‘brain ghosts’. Life didn’t really seem worth living. After a change in medication my mind has recently started to brighten and I am ever so thankful about that. This depression is one of the worst things I have ever been through. The exhaustion, the constant crying. No matter how many hours I sleep every night it never seems I get enough. I have to take naps in the day to make it through but when I wake up I don’t feel energized at all. I’ve noticed my memory isn’t quite working, I’ll be on the phone with my someone and as soon as I hang up I’ll have forgotten what the other person said. I have lost my words. I often struggle to find everyday words. It seems they have vanished from my mind. I’ll tell my husband we need to buy soap, but won’t remember the actual word ’soap. “Alex, we need to buy… eeh. Thing! For.. hands. Washing…. Bathroom! You know? The thing.” And it’s frustrating.

Winter is still holding us firmly in its grip. My mind is ready for spring, I need the snow drops and the daffodils. Tulips. Flowers budding everywhere. I want walks in the sunshine, wearing short sleeved tops and being just a little cold. Walking in the woods with my husband and camera.

When in England this year, Alex and I took a walk along the canal and checked out all the wonderful narrowboats. A lot of them have little gardens on the top of them, but the most adorable one I have ever seen must have been this teapot one.

(Click here for a larger version)

Since seeing this adorable little garden (at the end of summer obviously a little tired and run down) I’ve been on the lookout for cheap teapots to make a little teapot garden for myself. Isn’t it lovely?

This is a dress I’ve seen being sold on ebay several times. I’ve wanted it but was never quite sure whether it would fit me, whether it was too short, whether it was worth taking the chance, so I didn’t buy it. Until it came up in a fatshionista friday sales post by the lovely Lauren of  the pocket rocket.

I’m a firm believer of confidence. Confidence is key, especially when it comes to pulling of dresses that might be a tad bit short and a wee bit tight. So I wore this dress with my head held high and my back straight and made myself  be comfortable with it. With a cardigan, because it’s autumn and freezing.

In other news : I found a HUGE bright yellow coat at a thrift shop today. It’s going to be all kinds of rad for winter. Now I want a nice big braided belt to wear on top of it.

• Dress – Second hand, size 22 UK
• Cardigan – George by Asda, size 20 UK
• Shoes – Evans

Well Emmie may not enjoy autumn, but I love what it means for me – more suits can be worn! In summer I can only wear incredibly light suits, in both colour and weight. Once autumn comes, I can wear much more, and usually in November, although earlier this year with our cold spell, overcoats! I LOVE wearing overcoats – a coat down to the knees looks so elegant.

It also expands the hats I can wear, and I’ve got two nice hats (and a cap) that will be good for autumn/winter heading here and they should arrive within the next few days! Once they arrive, I’ll make a collective post about the rest of my hat collection.

I have, as promised, started working on my blogroll – it’s small at the moment, but I’ll expand it over time.

I’m working on my blogroll. For the time being I’ve only added FATshion blogs, but I’m going to add fat politics, vintage and random blog links too. Alex is also compiling his list. We don’t have the same interests at all, except for the fact that we love video games and old things so seeing his links will be interesting for me too. We have such different interest and come from such different backgrounds, that it seems almost impossible that we should get along as nicely as we do. I guess it helps that we share the same values and that he’s the kindest and most generous man I know. It’s also pretty damn rad that he’s a feminist just like me, though you wouldn’t think so looking at him.

Does anyone have any suggestions for blogs about fat fashion or fat politics that should go on my blog roll?

And to not disappoint, have a picture of Semla, our kitty cat.

xoxo

Mum and I picked these up at a flea market the other day. They are all much too small for me, but so cute and delicious looking. She will be selling them and I always take the photos for her auctions.

I want to wear a white dress, a pretty apron and a pair of clogs, bake some cookies and drink coffee from tiny ornamental cups.